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Kay Smythe

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Monday, August 26

Cum Town is Verbal Pornography

Six months ago, I didn’t give a fuck about podcasts. I thought they were just an extension of radio. Like all decent, Queen-fearing British people, my radio experience was defined by Steve Wright In The Afternoon and Nick Grimshaw on Radio 1. The upside to these shows is the lack of advertising. That’s it. 

The first wireless radio broadcast was sent on December 24th, 1906 (my mother’s birthday to the exact year). It took a little over a hundred years from that first garbage, and the greatest chain of events in human evolution, to lead to podcasting. As a result of PodTribe, and my recent research into the world of podcasting, I have discovered my #1 favorite show: Cum Town.

Cum Town cannot be summarized by my tired, writer-blocked brain. For those of you who don’t know Cum Town, here’s how the hosts describe it:

“Cum town is not a socialist podcast it’s not a fascist podcasts it’s a podcast about being gay with your dad” - Adam Friedland 

[I can’t read this tweet without pissing myself laughing]

The only thing I care less about today than radio is the opinions of others. This comes after years of journalism and working for other people. Still, I made a weak attempt to interview the hosts, and conducted an obligatory Google search before deciding that my opinion on Cum Town was all that matters here. 

The only coverage I could find on Cum Town related to the (perceived) rampant verbal misogyny propagated through the toilet humor established by the Cum Boys, Nick Mullen, Stavros Halkias, and Adam Friedland. 

As a woman, I care about misogyny. However, I also watched the 2019 season finale of The Bachelorette, so have total faith that gender relations between Millennials are going to become far, far easier as our generation takes control of social discourse. Of course, I live in the United States where I can’t say something like, “No, I’m not making coffee for everyone in this meeting, Steve, you fucking cunt. I’m not your fucking assistant,” when I’m faced with misogyny at work, so I’ve come up with my own life hacks to get us through the day. 

  • When anyone talks over me, I loudly tell them not to
  • When someone repeats my idea back to me in a meeting, I point out their ignorance and shame them for not fucking listening
  • Being grabbed by the pussy? Yeah, that’s still going to happen, but you’d be amazed how frightened a colleague gets when you grab him back, and you keep squeezing (you get bonus points if you start laughing without letting go)

[for any cunts reading this who think I’m talking about sexual abuse, explicit gender bias, or anything more than verbal misogyny from here on out, I’m not, so don’t act like it]. 

Misogyny is both unconscious and explicit. It’s not going anywhere. Men will always be boys when left to their own devices. We can only hope that as individuals, partners, spouses, colleagues, friends, and voters, we can be sure to find the ones who don’t actively fuck with our lives (like those ugly, fat, sweaty piglets in Alabama). None of us were meant to live much over the age of thirty, so a few million years of evolution isn’t very long to demand a complete macro-overhaul of behaviors lodged in the amygdala that leak into action like verbal misogyny.

According to one article that I barely read, a major concern of people with far too much time on their hands is that fans of the show are often quick to attack journalists who speak ill of the Cum Boys. What egomaniacal sociopath of a journalist still reads their comments or has notifications turned on their socials for anyone but their immediate social network? As a fake news journalist in another life, I can’t tell you how freeing it is when you finally realize that NO ONE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE WRITING. Turning off to what other people say makes your job so much easier, especially since almost all of you never leave your offices or parent company’s wishlist to do any real reportage. 

This week’s news is next week’s chip paper, as we put it in the UK. 

The simple answer for listeners who don’t appreciate Cum Town: don’t listen to it. 

The real reason why I really like Cum Town is far simpler. It reminds me of Jackass, Viva La Bam, and South Park. I “wasted” vast swathes of my youth engaging in recreational drug use and watching these two brilliant reality shows, and single greatest socio-political cartoon in history. They taught me that stupid shit often hurts, but is hilarious and therefore worth it, even words. 

Perhaps I have a British bias here, but there seems to be a different definition of misogyny in the United States. What I hear on Cum Town can be spun as misogynistic at times, sure. If anything, Cum Town is politically incorrect at worst. Between the sexism are actual moments of social commentary, and what can be heard here is way more important to the actual progressive female listener.  

Let’s just put it this really weird way: there is a big difference between a guy who makes fun of abortions, and does absolutely nothing when you find out you’re pregnant - and the guy who immediately asks you what you want to do because he understands the importance of women’s right on a fundamental level*. This example sums up the difference between the Jeds and Tyler G’s of the world. The Cum Boys are making money on their own through their original thought… I think that makes them real men, and what they’re talking about is representative of a large voting caucus for the 2020 presidential election. 

I dare every intellectual woman reading this essay - particularly the British cunts, my favorite cunts - to fuck off and listen to Cum Town when you’re done here. If you’re not into it, that is absolutely fine. It is not for everyone. None of my female friends are ready to laugh at the shit we go through - I know I’m different. This article of my way of throwing out a line, and finding other women “like me…” 

Let me know, but not in the comments. 

*I have not fucked any of the Cum Boys, but I get how that reads, you pervert. 


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